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How Do You Feel ?

You know, it must have started way back, I’m talking about the days of Adam and Eve. Maybe when they got the boot from the old Garden Of Eden. Yeah, that sounds about right. That’s probably the first time a guy’s ever heard a chick ask, “how does this make you feel?” Probably messed with Adam’s head, too, because there was no forewarning. Hate to have been in his shoes.

The thing about it is, they just don’t get it. For them, it’s “I feel, therefore I am”, and for us, well, if we’re lucky, it’s “I think, therefore I am”. But mostly, it’s, “I’m not dead, therefore I am”.

I’m telling you all this because I just had a fight with my girlfriend. You think maybe you can guess what it was about? Anyway, she tells me we’re through, she just can’t be with a guy who doesn’t know how to express his feelings. Hell, man, if I knew what I was feeling, I think I’d be able to express it. She’s got no idea of the degree of emptiness in my head. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to let her know the truth, that there’s absolutely nothing going on inside of me. That I’m really like  this one  huge, gigantic, vacant parking lot. How would that make me look?

We’ve been down this road before. I’ve been seeing Cheryl going on around three years now. I’d have to say she’s done the same thing on  average twice a year. I let her cool down, we don’t speak for a few days, then I like buy her flowers or something to let her know that I really want to be with her. One thing good about her is that she forgets real easy. I do something after one of these fights to cheer her up, it’s like the whole thing never happened.

The funny thing is, the night we had this fight was the night I was going to ask her to marry me. Yeah, you heard right. I had the engagement ring just sittin’ there in my jacket pocket, and I was waiting for just the right moment to ask for her hand in marriage. But wouldn’t you know it, something happens that I’m supposed to have feelings about, at least according to Cheryl, and  screws up all my  plans.

We were having dinner at this fancy French restaurant, this place Cheryl’s been nagging me to take her to since practically the very day we met. I mean, you would think she’s got to know something was up, right?

Anyway, as luck would have it, an old boyfriend of Cheryl’s wanders into the joint, stops by our table with his date and says hello, and goes on his merry way. Meantime, I see tears welling up in Cheryl’s eyes, and I ask her what’s going on? Now my first thought is that maybe she’s still got a thing for this guy, which wouldn’t be too cool, seeing that I was going to ask her to marry me this same night. But as it turned out, I was way off base. 

After much prodding, she finally gives me the skinny. She only dated the guy for a couple of months, but somewhere along the line, he knocked her up, and she had to have an abortion.

That’s why she was crying at the table that night. And it’s also why we’re not on speaking terms at this very moment. Because when she asked me how I felt about her having had an abortion four years prior, I was at a total loss for words. Matter of fact, I still am.

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